It has occurred to me that I’m going about this writing thing the wrong way. Instead of focusing on the writing– the craft, creativity and challenge of penning a novel, I should be lying, cheating, breaking laws and changing sexes. Or running for president.
I just want to tell a good story, to entice, perhaps educate, certainly entertain. But you know who’re getting book deals? Joyce Mitchell. Chuck Blazer. Rachel Dolezal. Caitlyn Jenner. Lincoln Chafee and John Kasich. Even the longest long shot has a better shot than I do.
You know they do.
Perhaps I should switch gears and focus on a juicy tell-all. Something sensational that hits all the trending topics. Gays! Guns! Gluten-free! And what’s a wee bit of defensive embellishment if it boosts sales? Hittin’ up the talk show circuit, back of the hand to my forehead, as I tell my tale of woe and injustice, struggle and misunderstanding.
Nope, wait, that makes these types of publications sound viable.
Their stories may be viable, somebody might care, there may actually be a lesson buried somewhere for someone, but the slapdashery of the way they are “written“, mass-produced on a dime and in a minute, is offensive to those of us struggling to get our name on the spine of a book.
Those “best-sellers” set the industry up against us. I have to jump through hoops to get an editor, agent, or publisher to look at my work. Then, if I get a book deal, I have to wait six months to a year (or longer) for my pages to see mass-production (or even minor-production of a limited run). Regardless of how relevant, important, enlightening or sensational my subject.
So, I’m reconsidering my writing plan. I’ll finish my novels and then I’ll promote them as “reality“. Murder! Mythology! Mayhem! Who wouldn’t want a piece of that?
I’ll deal with the fall-out of “lying” later.
(To the tune of repeat printings, I’m sure.)
Back of the hand to my forehead as I confess to the woe and injustice, struggle and misunderstanding. Of course I’m sorry, Oprah, but what’s an author to do?
I’ve got four years to make the new plan work before I have to announce my candidacy.