While lying awake in bed last night, my mind as active as the flurry of April snow (for those of you who didn’t wake to the white stuff, it SNOWED here last night), I thought to myself, there is NO WAY I’m going to be able to post a blog in the morning. I have zero ideas, my brain is mush, and my body is exhausted. Then, I thought, just to be cheeky, maybe my post would be a note from a parent excusing me from my Monday duties.

Dear Reader,
Please excuse Mary from writing her blog this morning as she is just not feeling it.
Thank you,
Mary’s Parent

On the heels of this giggle-inducing (it was 3 a.m., I was tired!) thought, I remembered an actual note that my stepmom wrote for me when I was a freshman in high school.

Dear Gym Teacher,
Please excuse Mary from swim class today as she is menstruating.
Thank you,
Mary’s Stepmother
(the salutation and signature may be inexact, but trust me, the content is unforgettable)

Menstruating?!
Try MORTIFIED!

But hey, it inspires an idea…
Please excuse Mary from (insert action here) as she is menopausal.
I’m pretty sure ‘menopausal’ is a blanket excuse for exhaustion, moodiness, and, well, nope, that’s about it. Exhaustion and moodiness. Covers it all. (I’m tempted to insert an expletive here for emphasis.)

Any readers old enough to remember Juan Epstein of Sweathog fame on Welcome Back, Kotter? I tried to google ‘Epstein’s Mother’s Notes’, to share some humorous insight to the excusing of her son, but since a certain notable “suicide”, I had a hard time finding hits regarding beloved Sweathog Juan.

If you had to excuse yourself from something today, what would YOUR note say?