Read that again, just in case.
How
aren’t
you?

Last week my post was titled, How are you?
in that moment, I was well. Thanks for asking.
I hope you were, too.

This week I wonder, how aren’t you?
It’s a tricky question, but mostly because the wording challenges our sensibilities.
When you stop to consider, I imagine you’ll have an answer.

Consider it a version of the game, “It Could be Worse“.

Let me go first.
I aren’t–
(kidding! I can’t do that, lol)
I am not alone.
I am not alone, or lonely.
I am not alone, or lonely, or stranded on dry land during these very hot and humid summer days.
I am not alone, or lonely, or stranded on dry land during these very hot and humid summer days and forced to use murder hornet hives as flotation devices in the pool.

Get it?
Make a statement. Then make it…bigger.
Okay, me again.

I am not sick.
I am not sick with a flesh bloating parasite.
Or am I?
Nope, just the COVID-15 (or 22, in my case).
I am not sick with a flesh bloating parasite that violently rejects Doritos and Diet Coke.
I am not sick with a flesh bloating parasite that violently rejects Doritos and Diet Coke but craves things like liver, lutefisk, and soft-boiled fetal duck. Ew.

One more, because it’s kind of fun.

I am not busy.
I am not busy going out, attending meetings, or clogging booths at diners over bottomless cups of coffee…
I am not busy going out, attending meetings, or clogging booths at diners over bottomless cups of coffee which should absolutely free me up to finish my novels in progress.
But I digress.
I am not busy fighting fleshy squid-like aliens being launched from low-flying saucers.
I am not busy fighting fleshy squid-like aliens being launched from low-flying saucers into my freshly washed picture windows. Thump, squelch, slide.
I am not busy fighting fleshy squid-like aliens being launched from low-flying saucers into my freshly washed picture windows. Thump, squelch, slide into the pool…using murder hornet hives as flotation devices and in a freakshow of symbiotic interaction combine to become an exotic anomaly, a super species whose sole intent is that of world domination.

Whew.
Good thing I am not busy.

But mostly,
I am really trying not to freak out over this continued COVID thing.

I hope you aren’t, too.