A shout out to MY PEEPS! To the ladies in that mature stage of life between puberty and death.

Fair Warning: This post is not for the young, physically squeamish, or well, guys, I guess. Although the latter might learn a thing or two. Just sayin’.

Been kinda warm and summery around these parts lately with above average temps.
Suffice it to say, IT IS HOT. And when you suffer from internal flare-ups, the last thing you need is external heat.

For those of you women not there yet, those of you cruising gently across the landscape of menopause*, or those of you of the male persuasion still with me, I want you to imagine your absolute worst, most horrifyingly embarrassing moment. Now, channel all of that tightness, discomfort, unease and intense rising flush to your face. Then quadruple it throughout your entire body. And I mean all of it. Places you might think were immune but are NOT.

I AM ON FIRE.
My forearms are damp.
There is a stream in my cleavage.
The tops of my knees are sweating.
Surely, my head must be steaming.
How am I not dehydrated?

AND, if all that wasn’t bad enough, I’m finding that the hot flashes are spoiling things I love. So, in the style of David Letterman‘s Late Show TOP TEN LIST, I present my top ten list of things that menopausal hot flashes are ruining for me:

10. Blankets

9. Soup

8. Bonfires

7. The hot tub

6. Hugs

5. Summer

4. Snuggling

3. Sleep

2. Coffee

and THE NUMBER ONE THING that hot flashes are wrecking for me…

1. Sex

You were probably reading along, thinking it was funny, no big deal, all stuff you could live without–
Yeah, it sucks when ooh baby you’re so hot takes on a whole new not flirty and totally unsexy meaning.

Do NOT think for a moment that I don’t still do those things. I mean, I don’t flash ALL the time. THANK GOODNESS. And really, who could live without…coffee? LOL.

Getting older is not for the weak.
But it is important to keep a sense of humor.
And a fan on the night stand.

*A little bit, I hate you. But mostly I’m just very jealous.