HAPPY NEW YEAR! And welcome to 2016.
In light of the new year, I’d like to suggest a few things we leave behind.

I’m not sure when (or why) we decided to get so familiar with bodily excretions, but I think it’d be good to leave the expressions, “I threw up a little in my mouth” and “I peed a little” to the year 2015.

Were you shocked? Surprised? Angered? Saddened? Disgusted? Do tell.
But use your words not your fluids.
Ew, talking about vomiting and pissing are so last year.

I caught some videos on cable the other day, music videos. Actual songs performed, edited, and taped. Crazy, I know! Unfortunately, despite a variety of artists and genres, all of the songs kind of sounded the same. And because of that, I say it’s time to relinquish the use of auto-tune. Auto-tune is like labeling all of your original art “untitled”. It means nothing to the potential fans. Why would you want to be lumped in when you could be standing out? Unless you can’t sing. In which case, isn’t using auto-tune a giant red flag? Glorifying non-talented vocalists is so last year.

I’d like to recommend that the political chasm be abandoned to 2015. Unfortunately the divide is too wide. Instead I will suggest that we, as educated, concerned, active American voters, choose our discourse based on what we like, what’s working, and how we can make things better. Let’s leave negative click-bait headline-grabbing words like “SLAM”, “SHAME”, “ATTACK”, “DUMP” and “KARDASHIAN” out of our 2016 dialogue. It’s a new year, a fresh start, let’s clean it up. Mud-slinging is so last year.

Last up, or should I say, last left (behind), beards and man-buns.
We are a civilized society. Civility regards a trim with the highest of respect.
Facial hair can be very becoming. But unless you’re Billy or Dusty from ZZ Top, or Rip Van Winkle, where the fly away is your trademark, zip, zip, trim it up. As for man-buns, if it’s in a hairnet, it’s all good. Because that’s the only reason you’d wear one, right? For sanitary purposes. Unless you’re a librarian who removes glasses and bun in slow-motion complete with blowing fan to fulfill nerd fantasies. Hey, I may be on to something…
Sexy male librarians could be totally this year.

What are you hoping got lost with the calendar flip?
Do tell. But please, use your words not your fluids.