I have NO freaking idea.

Honestly, it’s been so long and there’ve been so many, who can be expected to keep that stuff straight?

Is it ****?
No, not enough *’s.
Maybe ********?
Nope, not anymore, not since they required I include a CAP.
How about **********…
Argh, needs a number!
Could it be *******************?
Nope, not this account anyway.

Well, ****!
By the time I figure out how to access the account, I’ve run out of time to check it.

I used to use the same password for everything. It was easy to remember and I only needed to remember the one. But then they got all demanding and required there be at least twice the number of digits, and then a mix of capitals and lower case. After that you had to throw numbers into the mix.

Then I’d get hacked and be spamming my friends and have to change my password. Great, thanks hackers. Really, you don’t have anything better to do than send my friends emails on weight loss or male enhancement? Ridiculous. Use your powers for good, you parents’ basement dwelling social misfits.
(That’s being kind.)

I hate having to change my password. Spam, new account, or my very favorite, when they “improve” an existing account. It’s irritating. The more connected I get, the bigger a pain in the *** it is. Having to update the computer, ipad, smart phone, etc. In frustration, I’d make my password something hacker (or Comcast or Facebook) insulting. Then I’d have to fix it to add a friggin’ number. Dammit, I might remember IHaTEhACkERs, but now I have to try to recall tIMELiNEsUCKs28? Gah, gimme a break. Then I realized that programmers and hackers aren’t really reading my password so the desire to insult them is insane. And ultimately unsatisfying.

Passwords have become a current societal burden. Don’t you agree? I mean, you need one for everything—every important account– to unlock your keypad, open your email, access professional, financial and other daily business.
Not to mention every unimportant account– all of the time-sucking social networks—Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook, tumblr, wordpress… every-blasted-thing.

Oftentimes it’s an option to allow your computer to remember your password.
Very convenient? Yes.
Safe? Not so much, kind of counterproductive to requiring a password.
And allows you to NOT have to remember it, so of course, you don’t.

Sometimes I remember to write down the passwords.
Sometimes I remember where I put the list.
On occasion I have added them to a desktop file folder, but if these sacred passwords are as significant as they are necessary, that seems unsafe.

Mostly I forget them and have to ask for a new one, but then I don’t recall which security question I selected—or worse, when they give me the question, I can’t remember if I answered honestly with my first car, favorite teacher or cat’s name or if was trying to be clever, you know, so I’d more easily remember. Are these trick questions?!

It’s ridiculous, really, all this trouble to check my email. Or write my blog.

Wouldn’t it be fun if when you forgot your password, your computer said, “Moooovie”
and then, “Nerrrdsuh,” (complete with proper password annunciation!),
and then, “Duh-zen.”
Make a game of it!
And if you still don’t get it,
the computer would respond in a whispering voice, “The Password is… Goonies12.”